~kameliya/public-notes

531156c884ea0fdcecb2141154fee766e34ee892 — Ashe Connor 1 year, 5 months ago
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A poetry/technique.md
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Antonia Pont

technique

try to remember  
without flinching  
it will smart like saline  
but will train you  
it will sting like broken skin  
on the back of a wrist and  
although bracing  
is not fatal  
it will make your mind  
fast and crisp  
ferociousness  
will surge through you  
perhaps you’ll tilt your face  
to the ceiling of your room  
your home your place of  
employment to the sky’s  
big plainness and  
with closed eyes and  
shaking your head  
you’ll smile as if  
drinking in a delayed rain  
a bit breathless  
with the vertigo  
of where you’ve been

you will no longer feel crazy  
you will no longer do surgery  
on what you know  
to make it include  
what they can bear to know  
of themselves  
of their piles of fudged  
histories and convenient

arrangements  
they may be broken  
in all sorts of places  
maybe  
entitlement is broken clarity  
a seeing that never works as seeing  
but works in other ways  
at others’ expense  
except when you don’t comply  
and need nothing in exchange  
need no trades anymore  
not even for them to concur  
or approve or sign your  
papers of leave or temporary  
visas of decency

you have decided to see  
and you will repeat and repeat  
this decision that you will take up  
repeatedly with renewed  
technique and tenacity  
and being your decision  
it demands nothing from you  
you do not have to change  
your ways your timetable your  
domestic arrangements  
your diet your profession  
your name your preference  
your style your sex  
you can proceed and carry on  
as before  
you do not have to react  
in any way or muster  
explanation

in the glare of your  
commitment it may be  
they’ll swell  
from looking’s heat  
or explode like aliens  
trapped in a beam  
but that’s not your concern  
you are neither the root  
nor trigger  
of their difficulties  
what counts is that you’ll  
no longer be driving yourself  
off sanity’s cliff  
anxiety will leave you  
like a troupe of fleas  
and you will find  
with your definitive gaze  
by merely looking not  
veering not shirking  
not embellishing that  
that order will  
like some old  
and obsolete lining  
come away.