~kameliya/kivikakk.ee

3dd0a0d18335a0227b25842e14fe5ba3663bab94 — Asherah Connor 3 days ago 7212212
dx: draft idk what is the point
1 files changed, 13 insertions(+), 9 deletions(-)

M jekyll/_drafts/2021-09-12-dx.md
M jekyll/_drafts/2021-09-12-dx.md => jekyll/_drafts/2021-09-12-dx.md +13 -9
@@ 41,7 41,7 @@ What else was there to do?
High school came.
I was sent to one much further away than my siblings',
to attend one with an accelerated learning program.
I made a friend.
I made some friends.
My father died.
Gender feels became hard to ignore.
Depression began.


@@ 120,6 120,7 @@ and the explanation for all this was that I was autistic ---
I lacked theory of mind,
could not understand how my actions harmed others,
was self-centred and selfish,
tactless,
etc.
I could either accept the explanation (and the blame),
or deny the explanation (and still take the blame, but now unmitigated).


@@ 134,7 135,7 @@ I was encouraged to completely disregard the label,
as it was essentially being used as a vehicle for abuse,
but it was hard for many reasons.

One in particular stuck with me.
One reason in particular stuck with me.
We had some mutual friends,
a couple,
whose help in "convincing" me my partner had enlisted.


@@ 150,14 151,17 @@ and why shouldn't they sleep with each other?
Just, it makes motivations harder to discern.)

The other, best as I could tell, had no such desire,
no confounding variables, a no-nonsense attitude,
no confounding variables at all,
were considerably less involved in my and my partner's situation,
had a no-nonsense attitude,
and crucially,
a sibling on the spectrum.
When their partner raised with them that they thought I "had autism,"
their response (informed by their own experiences) was, essentially,
"wait, isn't that obvious?
I just thought no-bun was mentioning it because everybun already knew."
much experience with a sibling on the spectrum.
When their partner raised with them that they thought I was autistic,
their response was essentially,
"wait, wasn't that obvious?
I just thought nobun was mentioning it because everybun already knew."

That stuck with me.


I got out of that relationship,
not without some lasting mental health scars.